just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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