I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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