i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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