My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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