On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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