Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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