hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
