So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
