feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
