I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
