this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
