So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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