I love black thongs
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
