2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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