just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
