i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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