I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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