My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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