I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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