I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
