I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
