im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
