he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
