is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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