My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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