There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
