We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
