she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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