Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
cat food counts as protein by the way
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
