i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
