yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
