no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everclear isn't food dammit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Shame - the story of my life.
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