high people should be assigned attendants
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
