bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
