if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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