and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize