A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
