I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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