Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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