You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
