A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you had me at cake vodka
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
