apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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