i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
