Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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