She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
