Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this is an emotional support booty call
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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