anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
