I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
