East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
