covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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