Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
