have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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