i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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