Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
