u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
