watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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