i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
