i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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