Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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