yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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