any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
