Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
