We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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