This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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