Im at strip club and am horny
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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