Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
